Lord, today I am thankful for 2 feet

I sit here at the end of an absolutely amazing absolutely exhausting week. I am sitting in what we lovingly refer to as the "internet cafe" which really is a wooden bench in the back of a beat up clinic/emergency room (the only place around with internet access even though it is sloooowwww you won't hear me complaining). It is the end of day 6. Six crazy days of working nonstop. I smell of sweat, bug spray, and hand sanitizer.

I got the opportunity to spend this last week at a hospital in the mountains of Haiti about 90 miles outside of Port au Prince at the Hospital of Light in Bonne Fin. This place was set to close February 1 due to a number of different circumstances and then the quake hit. With so many thousands displaced out into the country side there was an instantaneous need for this place in a big way. Since the quake it has been full of patients in desperate need of medical care and it has been staffed with it's previous staff supplemented by outside teams like mine coming in with supplies and man power weekly in order to keep the doors open and the patients cared for.

Every one of these patients have a story. There was a lady who cut her own trapped arm off with a piece of concrete and dug her way out using her cell phone. There is a boy who was the only one in his classroom of over 60 to survive, the stories go on and on. They break my heart, but beyond the grief and tragedy is a spark of hope that never seems to have quite extinguished.

Ralph a 20 year old boy who has a left above the knee amputation and is always cracking a joke was playing a little game with me, he would say "hey can you do this" as he crinkles his face in a certain way then I would say hey can you do this as I show him my double jointed thumb, after a few rounds he pulled out the big guns and says hey bet you can't do this as he takes his stump and swings it out to the side, your leg is way to long for that he says and we both laugh. How he has managed to find humor so quickly after tragedy speaks so truly to the resilience of the human spirit.

Another boy has gotten the nickname of wheely boy because he (also a leg amputation patient) is constantly wheeling around in his chair running over everyone else. Today I came out of the OR around the corner and saw him confidently coming down the walk on his crutches. It put the biggest smile on my face, now he is walking boy. I smiled at him told him how awesome he was doing gave him a little fist pound and then as I walked away was terribly aware of both of my feet.

This week I saw my first amputation in the operating room (my experiences in there is a whole other entry). Now while this was very clinically interesting, I couldn't help but put myself in their shoes, what if this tragedy was me and tomorrow I was a limb short. How do you process a life change like that. I guess there is no answer but when these things occur you just wake up every morning and face the day ahead because His grace is sufficient and His mercies renew every morning.

For pictures from my week in Bonne Fin, Haiti check out my facebook album here

Hi Ho Hi Ho its off to Haiti I go.....

Just when I think I have my head around all that is going on in my life, I get something new. This new thing I am very excited about. After the earthquake in Haiti I had put my name in with the world relief group at church saying I would be available if they needed nurses for medical teams. I got an email late Monday night and I am leaving early Friday morning. I am going for 1 week with a group of 6 on a medical team to work at one of the missionary hospitals in the mountains I believe a ways away from the city. They are still getting lots of patients traveling out from the city for care as they still have buildings and electricity.

I love watching God work and it all fall together even though I am feeling like I am scrambling. I got the email about 9pm on Monday and within 30 minutes had all my shifts at the hospital covered to free me up for the week to go. Then this morning I made a couple of phone calls asking for donations of medical supplies and now I have more than I will be able to carry with me. My original flight got cancelled but we were able to cancell and rebook one for cheaper! I was nervous about flying alone and with the rebooking of flights am now going to the airport with another memeber of the team. I am looking forward to a challenging and exciting week.

So please be prayerful for my team as we travel and serve in the coming week.

Thanks

To live a life

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what it means to have a life. Not the the I am breathing and my heart is beating life (although this is very important to the whole living thing). The "wow you've got a great life" or the "I wouldn't want the kind of life." Who gets to say what is an accomplished life and what isn't or what makes a happy life and what doesn't or even yet what you have to have in your life or have done in your life in order to be in the right stage of life for your age.

I am 23 and 5/6ths and I guess this is the age where people think you may be starting to expire as far as the meeting the right guy, falling in love, and settling down thing goes. I have had more people ask me in the last 2 months when I am going to settle down, why I am not dating, and telling me they know the perfect guy for me. Maybe I am starting to wilt or something but I sure don't feel like I am starting to expire. I feel young and totally fulfilled and have my whole life ahead of me and am absolutely loving the life I am living, which is an amazing blessing I owe God absolutely all the credit for.

I guess I am saying I just don't know why we can't work at being a little more content in the exact place we are instead of always living in the if onlys. I am constantly doing this living for the next thing instead of living for the right here and now. If we are seeking God and living for Him then we are exactly where He has us and that has to be ok. Even if it is the opposite of where we think it should be or where we would choose to be.

I also have been challenged by something lately. I have gotten this exciting few year where I am getting to live my dream but what if it all ends tomorrow or a year from now and I settle in to a life more behind the scenes will I be just as content then. I was reading the Feb 5 entry in My Utmost for His Highest and was challenged by that thought.

"Are you ready to be not so much as a drop in a bucket - to be so hopelessly insignificant that you are never thought of again in connection with the life you served? Are you willing to spend and be spent; not seeking to be ministered unto, but to minister? Some saints cannot do menial work and remain saints because it is beneath their dignity."

Here I am more than willing to go and do and be a visible part of the work God is doing but I think it may just be a bigger and possibly more difficult calling for those who serve those who serve and stay faithful and diligent unto that work. The question is am I also willing to be that person. Sometimes its easy to serve when you see results in front of your face but that doesn't require all that much faith. The real trick is to stay faithful in the other circumstances where the results aren't quite so obvious. Tonight this is the prayer on my heart,

"....I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4: 11b - 13, NIV

It is C-O-L-D cold

I have been back in the states for 3 weeks now and it's all very surreal. I am very much enjoying being back and seeing friends and family and being in a familiar place but in a way I feel like I am missing a part of me. The thing is I feel the same way when I am away. It is really hard to describe but it is as if there are these two lives I live and no matter how hard I try I cannot quite get the two to fit together inside my head. I am constantly missing something or someone. Even though this is the case, I would not change it for a second. There are a lot of people out there searching for something to make their life feel full and fulfilled and I have somehow found 2 of them.

I settled back in much quicker this time. I am back working at my old job at my local hospital, and I remember how to be a real nurse! I am not working as much as I would like but it is giving me time to get a lot of other things done and I have a very long list of things to accomplish in the next 7 weeks before returning to the ship. I have applied for graduate school and Lord willing will begin studying in the fall to become a Woman's Health Nurse Practitioner and a Certified Nurse Midwife. I was dreading the idea of going back to school but now with the application finished, I really am excited about the idea. Not only will it take me to a new place in my career but I am excited about the idea of staying in one place for more than 3 or 4 months. This will lock me in for at least 2 years. To a girl who has moved to a new place about every 3 months for the last 3 years that is actually sounding like a good thing.

Tenerife!!!!!!!!!!

I wrote this back on the 19th of December, I don't know why I never posted it but here it is now.... sorry for the long delay.

After 11 days at sea, I woke up early yesterday morning to the site of city lights and land out the window. Needless to say I was very excited. Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed the sail, it was a good chance to spend decompressing from the last 3 months in Benin, laugh with friends, and spend some quality time with God.

I have made some decisions during this time. I plan to return to Mercy Ships next outreach in Togo. I will be returning in a new role, as VVF coordinator. It seems overwhelming to think about. The job seems to big for me, it is a role I have never filled before. It will involve less bedside care and more leadership. The thing is God doesn't call us to what is easy and what we feel prepared for. He calls us to the things that are bigger than that so that He can make up the difference. I am super excited to be working along side a good friend of mine Lindsay, it is a relief to know we are taking this on together and I know God has placed it on both our hearts and given us a blessing of providing a job that matches our passion.

To see pictures from my short visit to Tenerife check out my facebook album here

We Sail!!!!!!

I am currently sitting on deck 7 listening to the constant dull roar of the engines and the sound of the ocean as we slice through it. There is nothing but pitch black darkness on the horizon and stars up above. As I sit here I am feeling so grateful. Grateful that after sitting idle for 10 months this ship was ready to sail, everything came together just in the nick of time. I am grateful to be here and for this experience. Grateful to see this outreach come to an end, there is something so fulfilling about that. I am grateful that God called each one of the people here and that He is up there orchestrating this all so perfectly.

We pulled out of port shortly after 11 am this morning and with a final wave sailed out of Benin. We had been warned that the first hour might be pretty rough but overall the seas have been calm, no sea sickness for me so far.....praise God.

I spent my day with great friends reading in the sun, napping, and finally watching the sunset. It was a great day. As sad as I am to leave behind those I came to love in Benin, I know that everything has a season and it was time for this chapter to close. As we leave Benin please pray with me that God will multiply the work that has been done here. That those whose lives we touched will take the message of hope and spread it throughout the nation. Ten months ago I didn't even know this place existed and now it will forever hold a very special place in my heart.

"The earth is the Lord's, and all its fullness, The world and those who dwell therein. For He has founded it upon the seas, And established it upon the waters." - Psalm 24: 1-2

Packing Up and Tying Down

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I noticed it has been since the 14th of November and the time since then has flown by. It is 17 days now until I land in Illinois and I am ready. The hospital closed just over a week ago. It was bittersweet to watch the last few patients leave. Two of them included my ladies, Beatrice and Therese. They left on a Friday and although they were not being discharged with completely healed wounds it was neat to see how God has a plan in place to care for them. They went to a clinic that has been established in a building we were using as our dental clinic during the last year. This clinic has been formed to follow up with our patients that still need some care. Once that is finished the clinic will then transition to a maternity center. A former Mercy Shipper who now lives in Benin is running it. I am constantly amazed how God fits all the pieces together.

A few days before the hospital closed, I got the pleasure of going to one last dress ceremony. I got to dance with Beatrice, Therese, and Akouvi. I was reminded so vividly why I do this as Therese stood and said "I had been leaking for 50 years and now I am healed!"

I spent this last week working in the hospital laundry, scrubbing floors and walls, packing things up, playing a crazy life size game of tetris trying to get the beds to stack up, and tying things down to the floor for the sail. It was actually really fun. We played the music loud and danced and laughed. It took very little brain power, no one's life was in my hands and there was something very satisfying about seeing this all come together in the end. Knowing that in the last 10 months, I was part of something bigger than me. We performed over 6000 surgeries this past outreach and God is good.