Tenerife!!!!!!!!!!

I wrote this back on the 19th of December, I don't know why I never posted it but here it is now.... sorry for the long delay.

After 11 days at sea, I woke up early yesterday morning to the site of city lights and land out the window. Needless to say I was very excited. Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed the sail, it was a good chance to spend decompressing from the last 3 months in Benin, laugh with friends, and spend some quality time with God.

I have made some decisions during this time. I plan to return to Mercy Ships next outreach in Togo. I will be returning in a new role, as VVF coordinator. It seems overwhelming to think about. The job seems to big for me, it is a role I have never filled before. It will involve less bedside care and more leadership. The thing is God doesn't call us to what is easy and what we feel prepared for. He calls us to the things that are bigger than that so that He can make up the difference. I am super excited to be working along side a good friend of mine Lindsay, it is a relief to know we are taking this on together and I know God has placed it on both our hearts and given us a blessing of providing a job that matches our passion.

To see pictures from my short visit to Tenerife check out my facebook album here

We Sail!!!!!!

I am currently sitting on deck 7 listening to the constant dull roar of the engines and the sound of the ocean as we slice through it. There is nothing but pitch black darkness on the horizon and stars up above. As I sit here I am feeling so grateful. Grateful that after sitting idle for 10 months this ship was ready to sail, everything came together just in the nick of time. I am grateful to be here and for this experience. Grateful to see this outreach come to an end, there is something so fulfilling about that. I am grateful that God called each one of the people here and that He is up there orchestrating this all so perfectly.

We pulled out of port shortly after 11 am this morning and with a final wave sailed out of Benin. We had been warned that the first hour might be pretty rough but overall the seas have been calm, no sea sickness for me so far.....praise God.

I spent my day with great friends reading in the sun, napping, and finally watching the sunset. It was a great day. As sad as I am to leave behind those I came to love in Benin, I know that everything has a season and it was time for this chapter to close. As we leave Benin please pray with me that God will multiply the work that has been done here. That those whose lives we touched will take the message of hope and spread it throughout the nation. Ten months ago I didn't even know this place existed and now it will forever hold a very special place in my heart.

"The earth is the Lord's, and all its fullness, The world and those who dwell therein. For He has founded it upon the seas, And established it upon the waters." - Psalm 24: 1-2

Packing Up and Tying Down

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I noticed it has been since the 14th of November and the time since then has flown by. It is 17 days now until I land in Illinois and I am ready. The hospital closed just over a week ago. It was bittersweet to watch the last few patients leave. Two of them included my ladies, Beatrice and Therese. They left on a Friday and although they were not being discharged with completely healed wounds it was neat to see how God has a plan in place to care for them. They went to a clinic that has been established in a building we were using as our dental clinic during the last year. This clinic has been formed to follow up with our patients that still need some care. Once that is finished the clinic will then transition to a maternity center. A former Mercy Shipper who now lives in Benin is running it. I am constantly amazed how God fits all the pieces together.

A few days before the hospital closed, I got the pleasure of going to one last dress ceremony. I got to dance with Beatrice, Therese, and Akouvi. I was reminded so vividly why I do this as Therese stood and said "I had been leaking for 50 years and now I am healed!"

I spent this last week working in the hospital laundry, scrubbing floors and walls, packing things up, playing a crazy life size game of tetris trying to get the beds to stack up, and tying things down to the floor for the sail. It was actually really fun. We played the music loud and danced and laughed. It took very little brain power, no one's life was in my hands and there was something very satisfying about seeing this all come together in the end. Knowing that in the last 10 months, I was part of something bigger than me. We performed over 6000 surgeries this past outreach and God is good.

God You Rock

I'll like to share an update on my ladies and the amazing healing God is doing. First off, thanks for helping me to cover them in prayer. God is answering these prayers right before my eyes and it is so cool. The two women with the wounds are making great strides toward healing and the third went home.

In just 2 short days, Beatrice's wound is 3 cm's smaller than it was on Wednesday and it appears to be healing beautifully. This is an amazing improvement. It is almost mind blowing. Let me tell you only supernatural healing closes a wound 3 cm in 2 days. She is in such good spirit's and I just love walking in to the ward and seeing her face light up to greet me (she even told me I could marry her grandson and stay in Benin forever).

On Wednesday Therese had been put on isolation because her wound had an infection in it that was resistant to multiple antibiotics. It was so sad walking by the little opening in the curtain and seeing how sad and isolated she felt. She would smile at me and say she was ok, but I could read all over her face how sad and overwhelmed she was feeling. She went back to surgery on Thursday and again on Friday to have her would cleaned and surgically closed. We closed the ward that the ladies were on as the number of patients here is dropping and we begin to pack up. We were going to have to separate the two of them into different wards as we wanted to put Therese in a place where the chances of her infection spreading to another patient would be decreased. Before we did this we took another culture to see if her wound still was growing the same organisms and it came back no growth!!!!!! It was going to break my heart to separate them. The thing with VVF women is they feel so alone in their problem and then when they come to a place like this and find other women who have endured the same thing they bond so tightly and help one anther so much. Now thankfully they got moved together and now their beds are side by side. So now we continue to pray that the surgery will help and that her wound will begin to heal quickly.

As I awoke this morning and thought about these two women and how God is good. I was completely overcome with joy. I am a little extra excited that I get to serve Him today. God you Rock!

Prayer

There are only 3 VVF women left and I praise God that we have sent so many home dry. I am also thankful that the ship will be in Togo next year which is close enough for those that went home wet to return for follow up surgery and they will have another chance at healing. The 3 women that are left are named Akouvi, Terese, and Beatrice. Terese and Beatrice have wounds that need a lot of time to heal and time we are quickly running out of. We are doing all we know how to do medically and now it is time to pray. Today the nurses and staff that have been caring for these women are going to fast over lunch and meet and pray over them. If you feel led please join us in doing so over your lunch. We are claiming this scripture over them.

"And the prayer of faith will save the sick and the Lord will raise him up..." James 5:15

"Elijah was a man with a nature lie ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the land for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit." - James 5: 17&18

Today We Danced

VVF surgery has finished but the work is no where close to finished. We are still working with the women who are recovering after surgery. This set of surgery feels much different than the last set. It has it's own unique set of challenges and joys. Even though VVF has been around basically forever we are still just at the beginning of figuring out the best way to treat these women. There is not a lot of research out there and every case is a little different.

I am asking for prayers for one women in particular who I screened and have cared for over the past two weeks. Her name is Beatrice, she had a bit of a unique problem and had a different surgery than most of the other women. I won't go into the details but she has an infection that is resistant to all but one of the antibiotics we have available. So what she needs is prayer and I know God is bigger and can heal her wounds and her infection. I want so badly to dance with her and I believe this will happen.

When I stop and think of the women that are going back home still leaking and when I think of those we never even have the opportunity to help it breaks my heart. The statistics are staggering, at the current rate that VVF surgeries are being done it would take 700 years to treat all the fistula patients that are currently suffering with this condition. But the thing is I can't think about all of this all the time because it becomes overwhelming and discouraging.

So today I am celebrating because today we danced. Four beautiful women celebrated God's healing today. The ceremony was wonderful. I'll share the story of one of the women, Veronique. Veronique has had 4 surgeries. She has had 3 of them with Mercy Ships this year alone, one in March, then again in July, and finally just last week. Today she danced! She stood with the attitude and sass that I love about her and she gave a testimony. She thanked God, the doctors and the nurses and then with tears streaming down her face she shouted, "Today, I Veronique am dry!"

Grace and Love

So lately the big lesson God has been teaching me is to let Him love me. This seems like a strange lesson to learn but I think it has been a long time coming. I was rereading the book Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller and in one of the chapters he is talking about grace and how some people accept it so freely and then others struggle with accepting it. It's like the concept slapped me in the face as if I had never really processed it all the way through before. He writes,

"I would hear about grace, read about grace, and even sing about grace, but accepting grace is an action I could not understand. It seemed wrong to me not to have to pay for my sin, not to feel guilty about it or kick myself around. More than that, grace did not seem like the thing I was looking for. It was too easy. I wanted to feel as though I earned my forgiveness as though God and I were buddies doing favors for each other."

I'm not saying that I have never accepted God's grace because I have and I have no doubt I am forgiven but I just feel as if I get caught in this trap of trying to prove myself and in a sense earn my keep with God, which when I think about it seems completely silly. In my head I know this isn't necessary but it seems to be this mentality I fall into. A little later in the chapter he says,

"I am too prideful to accept the grace of God. It isn't that I want to earn my own way to give something to God, it's that I want to earn my own way so I won't be charity." " Who am I to think myself above God's charity? And why would I forsake the riches of God's righteousness for the dung of my own ego?"

This really struck a cord with me. I have always found it easier to give than receive and I have always had this fear of being someone else's charity case. Here I am in a place where everyday I am working to take care of those who are in need and I am in just as much need of God's grace and love as anyone else. I am too prideful to accept God's gift of grace feeling as if I am not worthy of it and I can in someway prove to God I deserve it, but I am in no way different from anyone else and He offers it freely to all of us. He simply gives it because He loves me and I need to get myself out of the way sometimes and simply let Him.

"I will love God because he first loved me, I will obey God because I love God. But if I cannot accept God's love, I cannot love him in return, and I cannot obey him. Self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean; accepting God's love will. The ability to accept God's unconditional grace and ferocious love is all the fuel we need to obey him in return. Accepting God's kindness and free love is something the devil does not want us to do. If we hear, in our inner ear, a voice saying we are failures, we are losers, we will never amount to anything, this is the voice of Satan trying to convince the bride that the groom does not love her. This is not the voice of God. God woos us with kindness, He changes our character with the passion of His love."

Right here, right now

So by Tuesday of this last week, I was completely exhausted. I had worked 6 days in a row and I just felt done in. The day before, Monday was screening for VVF women and as tired as I felt about halfway through the day I stood in the stairway and thought to myself, there is nothing I would rather be doing right now and no where else I would rather be right now. It was one of those I am exactly where God wants me moments.

These women are amazing, they are fighters, they are beautiful, they are courageous, and they inspire me. We are doing 8 days of surgery and Lord willing will be able to help 20 women. Screening day was emotionally draining. My job was to take histories, help feed lunch, coordinate getting them to see the doctor for exams, and to pray with them. The stories break my heart and not being able to help all of them is a reality that we had to face. Who will we be able to help, who will have to wait? These are the times when I have to remember that we will help those God intends for us to help and He is big enough and has a plan for the others.

The first half of surgery is finished and the next half will be done next week. Please be praying for God's healing for these women. The reality is that not all of them will be healed, some will continue to leak and will need furture surgery. Even if not every surgery is a success we still have a chance to show everyone of these precious women who Jesus is, just by showing them love. Many of them have spent years feeling rejected and isolated and they open up to us so freely, so my prayer is that we can show them in every action we take and in the words that we say who Jesus is.

Here is one story of a women who I took care of in July to give you a better idea about who these women are to me.

Rebecca: From Suffering to Joy

“I was eighteen years old when this happened to me,” Rebecca says. She is speaking in her native dialect in front of dozens of people. She is wearing a new dress to symbolize her new life as she shares her story of suffering.

“I was in labor for five days, and finally I went to the hospital. The baby was dead. And I was wounded in [such] a way that I thought I would never walk again.”

Rebecca, now 35 years old, traveled from neighboring Togo to the Mercy Ship in Benin. She had shouldered the burden of obstetric fistula for 17 years. This childbirth injury often occurs in areas without adequate obstetric care and leaves the mother incontinent. Often the woman is abandoned by her husband, and having more children becomes difficult or impossible.

At first Philip, the baby’s father, did abandon her. For the next few months, Rebecca’s family took care of her. Eventually, Philip returned. “It was God who brought him back,” Rebecca says. Otherwise, she feels she might have been alone forever.

Rebecca and Philip were married and now have five children, but she still carried the shame of her condition and tried to hide it from everyone around her. She did not leave the house, and the only person outside her family who knew of her condition was her neighbor, who saw her washing out soiled clothes and hanging them to dry.

“I worried for so long,” Rebecca says. “I was very discouraged, and because I didn’t have enough money, I couldn’t go to the hospital for treatment.”

When Rebecca eventually came to the Mercy Ship, a nurse sat with her and asked her the standard questions to establish her medical history – questions that were painful for Rebecca to answer. How many children have you delivered? How many are still alive? How long ago did the injury occur? Did your husband leave you? As the nurse paused in her questions and put her hand on Rebecca’s knee, Rebecca began to cry.

Then, the night before her surgery, Rebecca lay in her hospital bed and tears formed in her eyes as she remembered the long years of suffering that lay behind her.

“I just remembered [the] past,” Rebecca says. “For seventeen years, I have been like this.” Those years were long and hard as she fought to forget her problem so she could be a good mother, trying to find the right answers when her children asked why she needed to layer cloth beneath her before she went to bed at night.

Now, as Rebecca shares her story, there is no sadness, because her surgery was successful. Her smile is constant and sweet. She wants to sing, dance and give thanks. Rebecca goes home with her shame replaced by hope for the future. She is happy to be with her children, her husband, her family, and her neighbors. She is healed, in both her body and spirit.

“I was so thirsty and I came here to the Mercy Ship and was given a drink. You have taken care of me better than a mother. You have done everything – even clothed me,” she joyfully says as she smiles and motions to her beautiful new dress.

Story by Carmen Radley

Daniel

I think sometimes we forget how fragile life really is. We get into a routine and take it for granted that tomorrow things will be the same as they are today. The truth is things can change in an instant and we are all only a moment away from having our world turned upside down. On Wednesday of this past week we got the news that one of our translator's was hit by a truck and killed earlier that day. Daniel had two small children and and wife he leaves behind. He was a man of God, an amazing musician, and a big part of our team here. He will be missed terribly.

A big part of what we are able to do in this ministry rests with our local volunteers. They are an awesome group of people that are dedicated to helping their own community and in working side by side we become like a family.

So please be praying for Daniel's family and friends as well as the translators and nurses that knew him, that although we mourn his loss we rejoice for Daniel as he is with his savior dancing on streets of gold.

Hello's, Good-bye's, & a Birthday Party

It was so nice to land in Benin and have welcoming arms there to greet me at the airport and to turn onto the dock and be excited to see the ship. As sad as I am to be leaving my family back in Illinois, it is great to have my family here so glad to have me back.

One thing about living on this ship is you are continuously saying hello and saying good-bye. People come and go almost everyday. It is just part of what we do. God's timing is amazingly evident in this process. In the way he brings 2 strangers in on the same flight who will grow to be close friends, who rely on each other throughout their time here and beyond. I have only been here about a week and have already said good-bye to 2 friends who I met before I left in July and who have been serving here in my absence, now it is their turn to go. I am still no good with saying good-bye, but I am learning with every one of them that it is better to say good-bye than to have never had the opportunity to say hello.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to go to a friend's daughter's 3-year old birthday party on the beach. Clementine translates for us on the ship and I was honored to be invited to her daughter's party. There were 5 of us invited from the ship and we were welcomed right into the festivities like we were part of the family. It was a lot of fun and I will cherish the memories from afternoon's like this one.

To see more pictures from my first week back check out these facebook album's:

Hello and Good-bye

Birthday at the Beach

Stumbling blocks

It is crazy annoying how the devil puts little thing after little thing in the way to see if he can distract us from what we are supposed to be doing. He has been doing this consistently since I left the states. To be completely honest I am a little fed up. I refuse to let any of this get in the way, but this is a lot easier said than done. I was a little grumpy about it all this evening and went up to the top deck and just sat. I love sitting up there, sometimes I swear I can feel God in the wind off the ocean. I was listening to music and this song spoke right to me so I thought I would share some of the lyrics that spoke to me. The song is called Surely We Can Change by David Crowder Band.

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit

And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief

And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change

Traveling Drama

So I have decided that I think God uses airports as a way to show me He is the boss and He is in control and I should just pray a lot and hang on for the ride. Right now I am sitting at Heathrow Airport in London at 0130 and so far this trip across the world has proved to only be slightly less intense than the last one. It all makes for a good story I guess, that is if in the end you actually end up where you are going and with everything you would like to arrive with.

My journey began in Chicago where after 3 subway lines I met up with my mom and we swung by AT&T and shut off my phone (which always gives my heart small palpitations as those of you who know me well know it is practically surgically attached to my palm). Then once at O'Hare we only had to try 3 terminals before we found the right one. Once inside they were having check-in kiosk issues and after one small argument and my assertive voice I got checked in about 40 min before my flight. I was the last one on the plane. I arrive in Ottawa, Canada have to go through customs and pick up my bags to recheck them because Canada won't check them through (my advice avoid Canada as a layover destination if at all possible). Guess what my bags didn't get loaded and are still in Chicago, I was needless to say slightly overwhelmed by this. Flight to London was then uneventful except that I know my bags are not in the plane underneath me. I get to London and my bags.... have arrived but are in another terminal so I trek all the way across Heathrow which by the way is huge and must go through security where I was practically strip searched...grrrr. I get my bags and 3 tube lines later at 0330 Illinois time am at Laura's front door!!!!!!!!!!!!! -

I had a good 2 days with Laura, she is amazing. I like London I think it would be really fun to live here for a bit (don't tell my mom)(hi mom). So that brings me to why I sit at the airport at 0130. Apparently the first trains don't run until after I need to be here in the morning and I am not paying $90 for a cab. So here I sit with about 20 other people dosing and waiting for morning. Good for me it's only 1930 back in the midwest US, but that reminds me all of you may be gearing up for the premier of Grey's, shoot I am a little jealous. Well I think I will couple hours sleep and next time I sit down to write an update I will be on a ship in Africa!

P.S I love all this adventure and any trip without a little drama would be no fun anyway. Plus now I can say I have slept in an airport overnight.

PPS I am now in Africa safe and sound with all my bags, showered and ready for bed. I will note that my trip only got more dramafied (I am aware this is not actually a word) after I wrote this. I had this post all saved on my computer and ready to post so I am going ahead and putting it up and will update soon on the rest of the trip. Let me say this though my mom is totally awesome and deserves some kind of award.

WOW

Now when God said Maggie go back to Africa did I doubt that he would provide... no I didn't but I must admit I was a little nervous about how it would all work out. This is a short entry just simply to say God is totally awesome. He has worked every detail of this trip out and I am in awe. It has been totally humbling. How many times must God show he's got it under control until I start to catch on a little better.

To those of you who have helped support me, you rock. I love every one of you and I want you to know I feel so loved and connected and it brings tears to my eyes right now just thinking about it. I am so incredibly grateful for the roots God has given me and for the support system who is lifting this trip up in prayer.

I'll tack on to the end of this a little note about the title of this blog and where it comes from. It comes from a song, one that has quickly become a favorite of mine after my friend Beccy introduced it to me on the ship a few months back. It's a song by Brooke Fraser called Albertine. It's written about a little girl she met while she was in Africa. The line goes " I am on a plane across a distant sea, but I carry you with me in the dust on my feet." This is how I felt as got on the plane headed away from Africa after my first trip. Another part of the song sings " Now that I have seen I am responsible, faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are" It just spoke right to me and I could think of no other fitting title for this blog, even though it is stolen and totally unoriginal at least I am admitting it.

Ok, Ok, I give

So I have been anti anti blog for a long time now. But after many requests and some thought I have caved. I have found myself a cute layout and picture and thought up a name I like so I guess here it goes. Just as a warning before you read any further I am terrible at grammar so if you are going to be bothered by run on sentences and the like I recommend you stop reading now. I can not guarantee that I will have anything profound or better yet anything clever to say, but I know that I have people that love me that would like to have a way to keep tabs on me and where my adventures are leading me so I shall try my best. 

I am absolutely in awe of the way God has directed my steps in the last few years and with the opportunities and experiences I have had. I almost can't believe this is my life. Don't get me wrong I would have done a few things differently, taken less for granted, and slowed down to live in the moment a little more but overall it has been a great ride. I feel so incredibly blessed. 

To have spent the last 3 months of my life on floating hospital ship in western Africa has been a dream I didn't even know I had come true. I found a place where I felt completely accepted, completely needed, and completely fulfilled. I learned to find God in little everyday moments as well as the big crazy miracles, and have loved looking back and realizing how He has been putting little things in my life in place over years for such a time as this. I really have no way of putting into words what I have learned and experienced over the last few months but I know that it has changed me to the core. 

Now as I am preparing to return to Africa I am learning a big lesson in stepping out in faith. For this independent girl who plans it all out and is always prepared, God is showing me once again that it is His job to make the plans and mine to simply follow. Maybe one of these times I'll catch on and learn to let go a little. I have a one way plane ticket to Benin, 18 days until my flight, more bills and fees due than I have money in the bank, and a peace and excitement in my heart because I know that without a doubt God will provide. If my life up until this point has taught me one lesson it is that. 

So I pray that as my time back in the states starts to draw to a close once again that I make the most of it. That I tell those who need to hear about the work that is being done, that I work out all the logistics and details that need to be put in place in order to leave, and that I remember to take the time needed to be still and listen and let my heart be prepared to return.