Lonely

The past 6 weeks has been many things.... it has been hectic... it has been joyful... it has been heartbreaking.... and I know deep down in my soul it has been life changing. Not only have I had the privilege of being a little part of the process that has reached into the lives of 105 women from West Africa, but each and every one of those 105 has reached into my life and changed me a little too.

I can barely fathom that its all over.  Toward the end of the final week I knew it was time to be done. I was tired, no I was more than tired I was exhausted... I had poured out all that I had. It had taken every ounce of my energy, every critical thinking skill, and pulled from my whole spectrum of emotions. God has provided me with a good support system here and my "mom" here on the ship Joy (who happens to also be my boss) gave my strict instructions that I was to take this whole week off. I have taken her up on that!


So with my days off, I have gone to the pool and gotten a sunburn.... I have slept in and read a book... watched a movie and worked through some of the details for school. Tomorrow I am headed off to Ghana to visit a friend Alyse from home and will be there for 4 days and could not be more excited to be off this big white box for a while.

All that said I have noticed this little aching in my gut and I haven't been able to quite put my finger on it.  Tonight I let myself walk into the wards for the first time in a few days and as I walked in I found before me a room full of middle aged men (we transition from VVF surgery to general surgery which is a lot of hernia repairs). And as I walked in, it finally hit me. I miss them. I miss my ladies. What used to be 2 full wards, up to 40 of them at one time has now dwindled down to 5 and I miss them. I miss their faces and the giggling, the parades and dancing in the halls all the while holding catheter bags... the daily 4 pm praise session with the drums and the races to the bathrooms. These ladies have consumed my thoughts and my prayers and my everything for the past few months and now its over and they've gone home. I do realize that is the point and I praise God for all the wonderful things He has done in their lives but its like any of those experiences in life that comes to an end and you feel a little bit of sadness as it goes.

Last December the ship sailed away from Benin and I had this big decision in front of me as to either come back to the ship and coordinate the VVF program or to head to Sierra Leone and help with the maternity clinic there, or to stay home. God clearly told me to go to Togo and at the time I felt completely out of my league and confused as to why he wanted me in this position. But now half a year later and looking back it all seems so clear. There is no doubt I was completely under qualified for the job I just did, but God wasn't. And I have learned so much from this experience. I have skills I didn't have before and confidence I didn't possess before. I also have contacts with people and places that will be a big part of my future. The surgeon I worked with these last 6 weeks, Dr Steve is also working on a project in Niger where his organization is starting a VVF clinic there. As of now I have plans to accompany him and some of my good friends from here on a trip there in the spring!  I also am finally feeling ready to be packing up and heading home and this time I know I am headed back for years not months and this does not scare me in the least! (Are you excited to read that mom??)

I want to thank everyone for all the prayers you have sent up on mine and the ladies behalf. They have without a doubt carried us. For those of you who prayed for specific women, I think that has made a big impact on the whole thing and it has meant so so much to me. Next week I promise to email you all with updates about your ladies. As I mentioned before there still are 5 ladies here on the ship, so be prayerful for wisdom for the team as we decide how to tie up the loose ends pertaining to their care.  Thanks again...Maggie