Cautiously Optimistic

The morning after I wrote the previous post about Nimambe, I walked into B ward around 0745 as I usually do to get a quick briefing from the night, before rounds start with the surgeons. I sat down with the charge nurse and looked over at bed 3 where Nimambe had been an occupant for the past 3 weeks, for the first time there wasn't a catheter bag hanging off the side of the bed. 

I hadn't quite worked up the courage to ask yet if she was leaking since the catheter came out 2 hours before. So I asked about a couple other patients then when it could no longer be avoided I asked. Yes so far she was dry and she was peeing!!!!!! Around here we get really excited when someone pees. 

All day I kept checking on her, she was dry.

 I couldn't bring myself to write about her that night. What if I celebrated too early and the first night she started leaking again. So I told myself I would wait until the next day. So Friday morning I went for mourning rounds and she had been dry most all night. She did leak but just little little bits, this is quite normal for these ladies as their bodies are relearning what it is like to keep urine inside, especially over night. 

That same day was a dress ceremony and today Nimambe would dance! In her time here she had seen more than 5 ceremonies of women who had come with her or after her. All the time she was just waiting, but today was her day. 

She almost seemed on the edge of tears all day. She barely even cracked a smile. I had this internal conversation. Why isn't she happy? Isn't only leaking a tiny bit so so so much better than she was before? It has to be crushing to have had this be your one hope and expect to be completely healed and then be so close but still not be perfect? 

Then I think I put my finger on it. She had her game face on. This had been such a long emotional journey for her and now here she was nearing the end and couldn't quite let herself get her hopes up. I totally get that. So she got all dressed up and went to the ceremony. She stood and quietly said she was thankful to God for letting her come all the way to the ship and thankful that she was getting better. 

Even though I understood why she wasn't more joyful, inside I selfishly wanted her to be. So last night as I sat to write an update about her I didn't know what to say. So I put it off again one more time. 

This morning I walked into B ward and there was a completely different Nimambe. She was joking and laughing and smiling. She was like that all day long. She got to go outside today for the first time in over 3 weeks and she had no interest in coming back in. I think she is finally allowing it all to sink in.

Early Monday morning she will be on a bus of other ladies going back north, going back home. I pray that will be a joyful reunion.